British Columbia Family Law Blog

Christmas holidays can be a particularly stressful time for newly separated parents attempting to create normalcy for their children around the holidays. Often, parents are faced with having to determine between them how to divide previously shared special days and moments, without either parent feeling left out or the children being forced to choose between spending time with one parent over another.

 

We at the MacLean Family Law Group wanted to share some of the successful strategies utilized by our clients in the past during this time of year that we have been told worked for newly separated parents and their children

 

1.      Using webcam technology. By having one parent attend Christmas morning events via webcam, both parents are given the opportunity to participate in the Child’s Christmas activities. This was particularly helpful for those children still in the wonderment of ‘Santa Claus’ stage.

 

2.      Providing a video-tape record of the Child’s Christmas at each parent’s home where webcam is not available, so that each parent gets to share in the Child’s experiences at the other parent’s home.

 

3.      Creating a neutral 3^rd party site for Christmas morning such as a grandparent’s home, where all parties could attend and no one would be excluded.

 

4.      Having the access exchange at the holiday time done by a holiday character, such as Santa Claus or a North Pole Elf. This takes the pressure off of the access exchange keeping the Child distracted and entertained.

 

5.      Taking a family holiday where the parents stayed at different hotels and the Children were able to spend time with each parent over the holiday season in a different setting which took away the emphasis on ‘Christmas Day’.

 

 

Some other links that we found on the web which also provide some great information and holiday tips for single parents:

 

www.singleparents.about.com (Top 8 Holiday Gifts for Single Parents)

 

www.babyworld.co.uk/christmas/single_at_christmas.asp

 

http://singleparent.lifetips.com/tip/20101/holidays-gift-giving/christmas-time/plan-a-special-christmas-meal.html

Many kids have parents convinced that life will just be a bust without the latest video game or hottest cell phone. With the recession looming large though, parents are struggling to shelter the children from their financial and employment woes, yet bestow upon them a memorable Christmas.

 

As parents withhold their concerns, their children continue to up the ante for this year's Christmas take. The risk is either a disappointing Christmas or overwhelming New Year's bills.

The challenge is for parents to resist the incoming tide of subtle and not so subtle expectations.

To reduce the risk of Christmas gift disappointment and overwhelming bills, try some family financial Christmas planning with these strategies:

 

1.        Be honest and forthright with teenaged children about your financial and employment concerns, without trying to instill fear. Let your children know of your plans to survive the economic meltdown including cutting back on the Christmas gift-giving budget. This may actually put them to ease despite their upset at the impact of the current economic situation too.

 

2.        Inform your children of your budget and ask them for their gift preferences in line with the budget. When expectations are clear on both sides, there is less room for disappointment.

 

3.        Involve your children in cost-cutting decisions and making plans for Christmas celebrations. It just may be that if included, they come up with some good ideas. Being part of the planning process, they will then likely enjoy what you mutually determine.

 

4.        Pool resources. You may not be able to afford that one special gift yourself. However, if you go in on it with a few relatives, it may then be affordable. So the answer may not be how many gifts are given and received, but how many people contribute to that one special present.

 

Children typically respond and adjust better to change when they are part of the process. The recession is real and discussing it with them can help them to cope better and you to feel better. Children may be initially disappointed and that would be normal and reasonable. However, they too must learn to live within their means and make the best of life and circumstances. A memorable Christmas may just be one where everyone comes together with a workable plan to enjoy the day.

 

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
(905) 628-4847

gary@yoursocialworker.com
http://www.yoursocialworker.com
 
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report. Call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Services include counselling, mediation, assessment, assessment critiques and workshops.

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